Tag Archives: scattered

Killed by my Killer Concept!

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Out of nowhere, an explosion goes off in your head and you suddenly have the best idea in the world. It’s a beautifully complex and unique concept that is going to change everything! It’s fun, it’s edgy, it’s intelligent, it’s the Ironman of all ideas. Your eyes widen and you can’t believe it’s your own. Quickly checking to make sure you haven’t accidentally ripped off a Christopher Nolan flick you rush to the nearest sheet of paper, scramble to find the nearest pen and…

and…

Nothing…

Why can’t I write it down?

It’s so clear in my head but…

Just can’t put it into words…

Has any other writer, or any kind of artist, come across this before? When your own concept suddenly grows too big for you and you just can’t handle it?

I say suddenly, but it doesn’t have to be. Rather than a great idea being impenetrable right from the get go, it’s also more than possible, and in fact pretty common, for something to slowly grow and morph into something else entirely. The danger comes when the author of this work can’t grow and morph with it.

I’ve seen it happen a lot before in films or books. When I feel like the idea has run away with its writer and s/he can’t keep up with it, or when characters are so much smarter than the writer that s/he can’t write for them anymore.

Holes start to appear in plots which seem sound at first. Characters start using what I call the ‘Sonic Plotdriver’ (named after Dr Who, who is so guilty of this he ought to be put in a cage made from pure logic and made to think about what he’s done) in which a previously doomed situation will be resolved at a push of a button or some convenient, last minute techno-magic.

I actually stopped watching Who because I felt like anytime he was put in a mildly perilous situation it felt like the writers didn't know what to do so would just come up with an easy get out clause.

I actually stopped watching Who because I felt like anytime he was put in a mildly perilous situation it felt like the writers didn’t know what to do, so would just come up with an easy get out clause.

It’s annoying as hell to an audience member, but I have to confess I can see how it happens. Far too often I’ll suddenly hit on an idea that is so good that I’m sure if only I could write it down, it would be an overwhelming success. However, there just is no way to get it down.

In my head it makes sense, because in my head it doesn’t have to confine itself to any sort of linear structure. It can be as complicated and ingenious as it needs to be when its floating around in a non-formatted, imaginary bubble, but when it has to be trapped and pinned down by words or paint or choreography it suddenly seems as if the idea could never have made sense in the first place.

And then I’m left wondering: Am I having trouble committing it to words because it’s actually such an awesome concept that I simply can’t handle it myself? Or, does the fact I can’t work out how to write it down mean that the concept is actually pretty rubbish?

L and Light Yagami, two characters who I feel, in the tv show at least, got too smart for the writer who wrote himself into a corner and then had to take extreme measures to get himself out of. In a way this created an interesting situation where I as an audience member was genuinely shocked at where the story went, but it also meant that a number of 'quick fixes' had to be established to get the show back on track. I feel that ultimately, the show suffered.

L and Light Yagami, two characters who I feel, in the tv show at least, got too smart for the writer, who wrote himself into a corner and then had to take extreme measures to get out of it.
In a way this created an interesting situation where I, as an audience member, was genuinely shocked at where the story went, but it also meant that a number of ‘quick fixes’ had to be established to get the show back on track. I feel that ultimately, despite pulling the rug out from under my feet, the show suffered.

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The Winter’s Tale – Re-imagined for everyone ages six and over

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imagesThe Winter’s Tale is an odd play at the best of times, what with its sixteen year gap and massive shift in tone between acts. It can only get odder if you imagine it through the eyes of a child. And that’s exactly what you can find at the Regent’s Park Open air Theatre right now.

Re-imagined for people ages 6 and up, The Winter’s Tale is a real treat for families. The play is, of course, cut down and simplified for kids, but that’s not to say the play is just simple and nor does it speak down to its audience. Shakespeare’s rich language is still present as is the jealousy, cruelty and death of the first act. The magic and festivities of the second are also handled with aplomb. What this production does wonderfully is hit the middle ground between being silly and serious.

As I said, the play is a bit problematic itself in the way that the first act is generally much more somber than the second, and especially with this production I found that it wasn’t until the second act that it really hit its stride. There were hints of the madness to come right from the outset, with happy-go-lucky dance moves, pop-culture references and a great visual gag involving a boat, but it really isn’t until the second act that it all comes together.

Beginning with the bizarre sheep shearing contest which was, in this case, realised quite magnificently, the second act seems to relish in the sheer absurdity of it all and is much stronger for it. The visual gags really come into their own and the performances also take off.

For me, the highlight though, was the audience! Kids absolutely loved this show and their reactions and interactions were just as entertaining as the show itself. It’s just excellent hearing some of the stuff that kids come out with. At one point, just as the notorious bear attack is looming near, one kid near us ominously said ‘He’s gunna die…’ and then burst into laughter when the fated attack happened! At another point we were all encouraged to call out ‘Sheer the sheep! Sheer the sheep!’ but some mischievous children behind us were instead shouting ‘Eat the sheep!’ and there was even one rather macabre little boy calling out ‘SKIN THE SHEEP!’ One final moment of note was watching an entire block of tiny children reenacting the Gangnam Style dance routine.

The performances are fun and easy, with a stand out performance by Dean Nolan. In general they handle the Shakespeare in a clear and concise way and switch nicely but simply between multiple characters. The show never really hits any of the play’s emotional highs, but instead is a wonderfully fun and rather silly afternoons entertainment. I’d highly recommend seeing it, if not just to enjoy the children’s reactions to the insanity on stage.

The show is on until the 20th of July and more info can be found here.

LEVEL UP! +10 INTEGRITY TO PLAYER 1

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Last week I wrote a blog on the blatant commercialism running rampant at E3 this year. Mostly, I wrote about ‘exclusive’ titles and Microsoft’s DRM policy which would give publishers the choice of whether or not to charge people for using pre-owned games, and also, a policy which would necessitate 24 hour online ‘checks’ to play games either on or off line.

Well, about half a week ago, Microsoft announced a complete 180 degree reversal on this policy. In an announcement called ‘Your Feedback Matters’ president Don Mattrick wrote that due to our feedback they have made some big changes to the Xbox One. He announced that after an initial set up players wouldn’t need to connect to the internet at all to play off line, and also that used games will be available for re-sale, rent and lending after all. The announcement closes by saying:

‘We appreciate your passion, support and willingness to challenge the assumptions of digital licensing and connectivity. While we believe that the majority of people will play games online and access the cloud for both games and entertainment, we will give consumers the choice of both physical and digital content. We have listened and we have heard loud and clear from your feedback that you want the best of both worlds.’

Despite their insistence that their policies were valid and would in fact ensure a better experience for the consumer, I think that after the initial announcements Microsoft came up against such a wall of negativity that there was very little else they could do but abandon their policies. However, I wonder how this would have all panned out if Sony had not been standing right behind them making rabbit ears behind their backs.

E3 is always a battle of sorts between the companies and it was very clear this year that Sony had won. Not only did their showcase appeal much more directly to gamers than Microsoft’s, but they were also launching the new Playstation for about $100 less than Xbox One. Then there was their cheeky and oh-so-topical dig at Microsoft about how easy it is to share games on the Playstation 4.

I wonder if Microsoft would have backed down on their policies so easily had Sony had not recognised and subsequently capitalised on their mistake. Well, the answer is absolutely no. No matter how much they pretend that this is a result of our ‘valued feedback’, it’s very clear that they panicked that everyone was going to go and buy Playstations instead, and so quickly did an about turn. And damn well they should because yes, everyone was going to go and buy Playstations instead! No matter what, I think Microsoft have lost a lot of support and through this newest development they have also lost a lot of integrity. I think their about turn is too little too late, and that they’ve damaged their brand quite a bit this month.

Whether or not they were spooked or genuinely value user feedback, this is a good example of people standing up for themselves, not wanting to be ripped off and beating back a company. This is something that gamers seem to be very good at doing and there are quite a lot of examples to prove it.

I remember a story which captivated me a few years back regarding the MMO EVE Online. The developers (CCP) had wanted to introduce a new expansion for the game which would introduce microtransactions. When it came to light that these microtransactions would cost between $10 – $60 and essentially turn the game into a ‘pay-to-win’ affair, players suddenly started feeling distinctly like they were being ripped off. So, as any self respecting Space Rouges would, hundreds and hundreds of gamers demonstrated their disapproval by attacking an indestructible and iconic monument in the game. This overloaded the servers and basically gridlocked the in-game economy for a day or so. There was also a threat that a heck of a lot of players (who hadn’t already) would cancel their subscriptions to the game, which could have cost CCP over $1 Million in lost revenue. In order to sort all this out CCP payed to fly the player elected council in the EVE world to their HQ in Reykjavík to sort out a compromise.

I love that story! It’s like a digital world revolution in which the gamers won out against a commercial minded company. I feel like Microsoft’s policy reversal marks something similar.

So, well done gamers! 10 points to you. It just shows that with a little perseverance big consumerist companies can be reminded that without the consumer they’re nothing and that, in the end, we’re in charge.

Lost. Found. Remembered

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picture197Last week, I decided it was about time to put some pictures up on my walls. After all, I have been living in this room for about 7 or 8 months already and I haven’t made any attempt to make it my own.

Not having the money or attention span to go out and buy pictures or posters I instead decided to open an ancient chest of old bits and bobs that I have had hidden away in the darkest depths of my room (actually, I use it as a bedside table).

As the old chest creaked open, months old dust rising from it, I found myself wondering; what on Earth was in there? I had no recollection of any specific thing I had exiled into the chest and no idea what may have appeared from within. Waving my hand in front of me to clear the air, I peered into the dark, neglected chest and saw nothing exciting whatsoever… Just creased and dirty paper, half used pencils and a spider that would make Peter Parker himself recoil in fear.

Once a small, yet epic battle had occurred and it became apparent I would in fact have to work around this eight legged menace, I set to work pulling out all the old pieces of paper, trying to cause as little discomfort to the Spider as possible.

Rifling through them, I was delighted to find sketches and scratches from an age long past, a boy almost unrecognisable. Here, were line drawings of superheroes, anime girls and Star Wars characters. There was a portrait of my very first girlfriend right behind a kick ass picture of Samurai Jack.picture190

All these, were drawing and sketches that I had done not so very long ago, and yet they had been almost forgotten until this moment. In me flashed a deep nostalgia, as I began to remember the boy I used to be, and I couldn’t help but feel gleefully childlike again.

Rooting a little bit deeper I found some super short stories I had written in Barcelona two years ago. These flash fictions were surreal and vividly colourful; a real tribute to the time I spent in Barcelona. They captured perfectly the half crazed and (quite honestly) alcohol induced haze that has settled over those months of my life. I started to pine for those steep, winding streets, for that almost nonsensical architecture and those insane inhabitants.

Among these stories was a poster for the show we had created and performed there, once again, displaying well the mindset of that timepicture195

And then, after this, I came to what I like to call; The Seemingly Endless Age of Despair and Belated Teenage Angst.

Four abstract paintings rendered skillessly in watercolour. I remember this point in my life quite well because I didn’t enjoy it much. This was a time in which I would assemble my painting materials, sit and prepare to colour some comic-like masterpiece. And then, no sooner as the paintbrush had touched the page I would toss it aside in anger and frustration that nothing creative was occurring. Covering my hands in paint, I’d scratch and punch the paper not realising quite how melodramatic and ridiculous the whole thing was.

Still, I was quite proud of this one. I call it…Rage. <_<picture192

Well, this wasn’t a particularly dark time in my life, just a time I was being particularly foolish. Even so, it’s good to be reminded of it now that I can look at these and laugh. Truthfully, I’m just glad I didn’t attempt any poetry during that time. No doubt it would have been awful, the kind which would make poor William Pratt cringe.

There sure was a lot of crap I dug out of that chest, but it’s all on my wall now, displayed proudly. Not because I think any of it is artistically strong, but because each and every piece reminded me of myself at a different stage of my life. Some were sweet, some were cringe worthy, all were wonderful.

Coincidentally, today I received a message from WordPress reminding me that I’d been here for a year. That’s a year of blogging. A year since I left drama school.

It’s a funny and rare thing when one has a chance like this to reflect on who they once were, and by degrees, who they are now, and it should be cherished. Through these old discoveries I was sent on a sort of journey through my life. I didn’t really have any great epiphany on the way, and I didn’t learn any valuable lessons, it just made me smile. Simply and plainly.

If any of you have a secret chest of old crap hiding away, I highly recommend you fight off what ever monsters are safeguarding it and delve in. Go through all your old drawings or stories or diary entries or whatever it is you did back then. See if you remember being the kid that first put them there, and be happy to be the adult who took them out again.

See if you can go on a similar journey to me. It’s fun, you’ll enjoy it. It only takes 5 minutes and you can take a cup of tea with you.

I hope it makes you smile too.

Acceptance of my Liebster Award

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liebster-award“Ever heard of the Liebster Award Jack? If not, you’re about to because I just nominated you for one.”

What a very exciting comment for somebody to leave on one’s blog! This is what I woke up to this morning, and in my bleary eyed, half asleep state I felt incredibly humbled without even knowing what a Liebster Award was. I’m the sort of man who gets extremely over excited if anybody so much as hits the ‘like’ button on my blog. If a post gets more than one like, I am overcome with pride, and if anybody follows me I’m as giddy as a child on Christmas. So, to realise that somebody likes my blog enough to give me an award is absolutely grand. Although, I must admit it did make me feel slightly guilty about my lack of activity recently!

I have the lovely Linda Torlakson over at Thoughts and fears about dying (and living!) to thank for my Liebster so, thank you Linda!

I first came across Linda during NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) where she provided much support and encouragement. Her blog is a lovely collection of posts and articles on writing and blogging, occasionally delving into questions of human nature and psychology. It’s a really nice, heartfelt blog which I highly recommend.

Now that I have been nominated for a Liebster Award, it’s probably a good idea to work out what that is, right?

Liebster is a German word meaning ‘dearest’ or ‘cherished’. Linda says that it has nothing to do with how many readers or likes you have, but simply shows that somebody out there is reading and enjoying your work.

The idea is that someone nominates a certain number of people for an award, and then each of them nominate their own people and so on and so forth. It’s been compared to those chain mails we’re all far too familiar with, but the difference is; Liebster Awards are nice, not annoying.

The person nominating you will ask 5 questions and then, you’ll ask your people 5 questions also.

So, here are my questions from Linda and my answers:

1. Why did you initially launch your blog?

I initially launched it as a way to research for my children’s novel Sketch. Each post was related to something I was writing about and gave me the opportunity to learn about it through writing about it. It was also a way for me to practice writing in general and to sneakily promote my acting work.
2. Is that still its primary purpose or has it evolved into something else?

Yes, and yes… That is still the primary purpose however Sketch has been on the back burner recently. The blog became more a place for me to speak my mind and ponder over subjects I found generally interesting. That was never my intention but I’m glad it has become this.
3. How does your blog reflect who you are (or who you wish you were)?

I think it shows off a less scruffy version of myself. A place where I can actually sort through my thoughts and think about what I’m saying, rather than just rambling as I do in person.
4. What do you hope to offer readers through your blog?

I just hope people find some sort of interest through it.
5. What are your five favorite blogs to read and why? (I’m giving you a head start on the nomination process should you decide to accept)

Well, I feel like this question is cheating! So I’m going to list my 5 nominations underneath:

1. Unbound Boxes Limping Gods – From writer Cheryl Moore this blog is a collection of shorts based on characters from her story Unbound Boxes Limping Gods. Cheryl describes her writing as ‘experimental feminist fiction and poetry’. This is deep, involving stuff illustrated by the author. I highly recommend it to any writers, or those who enjoy stories.

2. Brains are cool – This blog belongs to my friends boyfriend Barney Low. It’s a collection of  ‘ruminations about consciousness’ which although complex have been made accessible and easy to read by Barney.

3. HarsH ReaLiTy – From Opinionated Man. A blog about the harshness of reality (obviously) with scatterings of his own writing and poetry.

4. Otherwhere – News and film reviews from around the world, specifically looking at Japanese and Korean cinema.

5. Alastair Savage – Another writer blogging about his thoughts on poetry, fiction and pretty much everything else. Also placed throughout are extracts from his own fiction. Alastair has some very cool and interesting views on the world. Well worth checking out.

And now my questions to thou humble few:

1. Are you happy?

2. Does your blog help you fulfill your creative needs?

3. Do you write for you readers or for yourself?

4. What is your favourite city in the world?

5. Do you think that internet distribution of art (blogging, myspace, etc) and the fact that it is easier than ever for people to get their work seen by others, could eventually do away with the idea of commercial success for the arts (that’s nothing to do with artistic or creative success, just numbers on an atm)? Do you think that’s a good or bad thing?

Once again. Thanks very much Linda!leibster

Hello Japan

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DSC_0033As a kid I always wanted to visit Tokyo. It seemed like an amazing place, filled with cats and robots and anime-a-plenty. Well, yesterday I arrived in Tokyo where I’ll be performing Princess Mononoke with Wholehog Theatre! To come here for a work reason, and to perform in the theatre no less, feels amazing!

As first impressions go, this is a pretty crazy and exciting place to be! The funny thing is; it at once feels extremely foreign and strangely familiar. I think in this internet age, we have access to so much information, images and movies that we have a good sense of what a great deal of places are like before we actually see them in person, so we don’t find it so surprising when we actually arrive – wandering around the amazingly eclectic Shinjuku area of Tokyo was a lot like this. Things like the way the buildings are laid out, the songs the traffic lights play and things like that are exactly as I pictured them to be.

Upon arrival, we were taken straight to our hotel; The Listel Hotel in Shinjuku. It’s a lovely little place with fantastically 70’s style rooms. The best thing, was walking in and finding a complimentary cotton kimono laid out on my bed! Wasting no time, every male member of the cast donned these and met in the hallway whilst the women looked on and shook their heads at us. In our excitement at least four of us (spread over two rooms) forgot our keycards and locked ourselves out, wearing nothing but our new found kimonos.

Some great features of the room are a built in radio which plays obscure Japanese talk shows and a decent sized tv with some Japanese channels. Usually, the last thing I want to do in a hotel is watch tv or listen to the radio, but it’s just so interesting to see it here. Another enjoyable, if not rather surprising feature is the bathroom, and more specifically the toilet. I won’t go into details, but suffice it to say; it’s all a bit much for my English sensitivities!

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Shinjuku, my temporary home

Wandering around Shinjuku is like a childhood dream come true. Everywhere you look, there are flashing lights and massive cartoon-esque signs. Pop music seems to linger in the very air and beautiful people on 20ft billboards are forever looking down at you.

There  are just so many exciting bizarre things to see at every moment. At one point, me and a few of my buddies; Adam and Andy, were walking down the street when a truck drove past dragging a trailer with two giant bikini clad robot anime girls singing pop music. Andy has since told me that they had chairs built into their groins…maybe they’re part of some sort of theme park ride? Who knows. Since then, we’ve seen this Giant Robot Truck (GRuck) several times.

The GRuck

The GRuck

Soon after this, we decided to pop into an arcade. Now, one thing to know about Tokyo, is that one does not just ‘pop into’ an arcade! It was five floors high (actually there was a sixth, but we dared not go in, on account of how pink it was and how many pretty girls there were in there). Still, me and Andy ran around the place with childlike grins on our faces watching the various pros playing on dance machines and other gadgets which defy comprehension.

Another thing me and Andy got over excited about was a Cat Cafe! Unfortunately, it was all booked up, so all we saw of it was the reception, which looked conspicuously like a vet. Still, we’ll be booking a place for next week at some point.

We also wandered into the Shinjuku red light district which is a fantastic blaze of lights, music and colorful dress senses. A really exciting, lively place to be, and I imagine the night life is amazing.

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Between all of this craziness are the temples. These are beautiful classic Japanese houses with lovely gardens and miniature shrines. In one, we drank water from a pool decorated with a dragon, in another, we played with Coy fish, making them swim circles around our hands. I found it really interesting watching people come and pray or make wishes at the shrines. I didn’t realise this was still such a large part of Japanese culture. I think it’s a shame we don’t have things like this in London. There’s something very peaceful, spiritual if you like, about it. I think from a purely practical point of view it would be wonderful to have somewhere to stop off at on the way to work, where we have a moment to reflect on the day, what we’d like to achieve from it, make a wish, etc. Obviously these shrines mean more than this to these people, but still, it would be nice.

Another very cool feature is of course the food! Noodles are pretty much my favorite thing ever, so to eat real, proper, genuine, yummy noodles is ace! Everywhere you go there are noodle and rice bars. Genuine Onigiri is also excellent – so, very excellent!

Partially related to food is the excessive amount of vending machines we see everywhere. A very exciting feature of these is the ability to get a can of hot coffee out of them for 100YEN, that’s about 67p. These are so obviously and incredibly useful that I find myself wondering why we don’t have many move vending machines in London… Oh yeah, it might have something to do with the fact that they’d most definitely get cracked open by someone a week after being installed. I’m told that Tokyo is the safest city in the world, and on the face of it, it looks likely. There’s no obvious signs of vandalism anywhere, bikes are left unchained in the street and walls of washing machines are left outside (possibly due to teeny, tiny houses) and nothing gets stolen. The whole bike thing took a while for me to get my head around. No one steals the bikes? What do you mean no one steals the bikes? But…They’re bikes…? I think everyone I know in England has had a bike stolen. I sort of thought bikes were supposed to be stolen. But hey. It’s very nice to know people are considerate and decent here, but it’s just a bit…weird…

On the way to work

On the way to work

All these things are mixed up within a beautifully maintained city. It’s very open and there are parks and trees everywhere! It makes such a huge difference, making everything feel that much more welcoming and pleasant. The whole city is very friendly and as I said, apparently the safest city in the world. An interesting personal observation; I remember going to Moscow and feeling sort of intimidated by the lack of English (etc) at first. But here, there is no more English, yet I feel super confident and street-wise. I’d have no qualms hopping on the metro and recon I could find my way around easily enough, or just wandering the streets. I now know this is purely psychological! When I went to Moscow the most useful piece of advice I was given was; ‘You will probably die’. Here, on the other hand, People have said; ‘You defiantly won’t die’. I thought I was relativity strong willed and open minded and I hadn’t realised how much these things effected my point of view right from the outset, but apparently, they really have. Obvious perhaps, but interesting nonetheless.

Last night a few of us went out into Shibuya, a hugely busy and popular area of Tokyo, where we met a nice guy who has been living here for a year who was able to tell us some very interesting things about Japan, Tokyo and the quality of life here, outside of our fairy tale vision of the city. I was very glad of this and he told me that he’s been blogging about life in Japan, so it’ll be interesting to have a look at his stuff at some point.

And of course, one very important thing we did was check out the theatre that we’ll be performing in! It’s the AiiA Theater in Shibuya. The theatre is rather large and rather respectable, so it will be extremely exciting to get inside of it! Of course it’s worlds away from the New Diorama in London, dwarfing it in size, so it’ll certainly be tricky adapting to such a large space…and such a large audience!

DSC_0031It’ll be great to see even more of the city if I can, but so far, my biggest impression of Tokyo is that it’s very green, very shiny and very wonderful. I hope I’ve given an idea of what it’s been like so far. I always find these travel blogs so hard to write, because I’m trying to give a sense of something which is also completely new to me!

I’ll do a separate post on our work in the theatre and any other exciting things we do throughout the next few weeks. But for now; Sayonara.

Another meaningless coincidence…

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I have read The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy many times, and I am sure I will read it many times more.

Recently, at work I have been getting rather annoyed at the amount of time I’m wasting listening to Smooth Radio and the repetitive noise that is Karrang (which is still playing the same songs I used to listen to when I was 15). And so, instead of sneaking books around in my pockets and swearing under my breath every time I have to put it aside to actually do some work, I have decided to try listening to a few audio books.

Today,  I decided to start listening to the Hitchhikers Guide, read by Douglas Adams himself. I was instantly reminded just how perfect this book is and how the introduction pretty much sums up my entire world view in roughly 600 words.

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Tonight, I arrived home, plugged myself into the matrix and the first thing I saw was the Google main screen, which today features an animated image of a computer desk, along with moving dials, a window looking out into space, an automatic door which opens to reveal a certain paranoid android, a travel bag, a towel and of course the great guide itself.

Completely unbeknownst to me, today marks the 61st birthday of Douglas Adams, and I couldn’t help but laugh thinking to myself ‘How like Adams to present me with such a marvelously pointless coincidence’.

So, to celebrate his birthday and to honour the book, I thought I would post the aforementioned introductionwhich I think is a small masterpiece of literature in itself.

If you have not read the book then I sincerely urge you to do so, if you have, then let’s read it again to mark the day…or simply just to re-read it once again.

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Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy, lies a small unregarded yellow sun.

Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-two million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea.

This planet has – or rather had – a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time.

Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the whole it wasn’t the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.

And so the problem remained; lots of the people were mean, and most of them were miserable, even the ones with digital watches.

Many were increasingly of the opinion that they’d all made a big mistake in coming down from the trees in the first place. And some said that even the trees had been a bad move, and that no one should ever have left the oceans.

And then, one Thursday, nearly two thousand years after one man had been nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be to be nice to people for a change, a girl sitting on her own in a small cafe in Rickmansworth suddenly realised what it was that had been going wrong all this time, and she finally knew how the world could be made a good and happy place. This time it was right, it would work, and no one would have to get nailed to anything.

Sadly, however, before she could get to a phone to tell anyone about it, a terrible, stupid catastrophe occurred, and the idea was lost forever.

This is not her story.

But it is the story of that terrible, stupid catastrophe and some of its consequences.

It is also the story of a book, a book called The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – not an Earth book, never published on Earth, and until the terrible catastrophe occurred, never seen or even heard of by any Earthman.

Nevertheless, a wholly remarkable book. In fact, it was probably the most remarkable book ever to come out of the great cooperation of Ursa Minor – of which no Earthman had ever heard either.

Not only is it a wholly remarkable book, it is also a highly successful one – more popular than the Celestial Home Care Omnibus, better selling than Fifty-Three More Things to do in Zero Gravity, and more controversial than Oolon Colluphid’s trilogy of philosophical blockbusters Where God Went Wrong, Some More of God’s Greatest Mistakes and Who is this God Person, Anyway?

In many of the more relaxed civilizations on the Outer Eastern Rim of the Galaxy, the Hitchhiker’s Guide has already supplanted the great Encyclopedia Galactica as the standard repository of all knowledge and wisdom, for though it has many omissions and contains much that is apocryphal, or at least wildly inaccurate, it scores over the older, more pedestrian work in two important respects.

First, it is slightly cheaper; and secondly it has the words ‘Don’t Panic’ inscribed in large friendly letters on its cover.

But the story of this terrible, stupid Thursday, the story of its extraordinary consequences, and the story of how these consequences are inextricably intertwined with this remarkable book begins very simply.

It begins with a house.

 

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, copyright © 1979 by Douglas Adams